Chumps of the week

This week’s prize goes to the European Commission who nominated Larnaca as one of the top ten cities in Europe for the EU Mobility Week Award, the CM reports.

These Eurocrats have obviously never been to Larnaca.

“The European Mobility Week Award scheme rewards the local authority deemed to have done the most to raise public awareness of sustainable mobility issues and implement measures to achieve a shift towards sustainable urban transport,” the Commission tells us, in Eurospeak. 

In Larnaca?  AHAHAHAHAHA.  

According to the CM, the aim is to create an environment "friendly to alternative mobility” i.e. encouraging the use of public transport, cycling and walking. 

(Pass me the tissues, I am crying with laughter.)

Lefteris Embedoklis of Larnaca town hall said: “The aim of these events is to reduce the use of motor vehicles and minimise emissions.”

A campaign which has worked like a dream at Phinikoudes, with a daily bottleneck of cars slow-cruising along the double-parked seafront road, doing their “peripato” (drive & stare).  

Skaliotes are well known for their love of walking and cycling.  In fact, nobody drives.  

Parking in Larnaca is never a problem, nonono.

And all Cypriots are big public transport fans, as in recent protests against new bus fares. 

An independent panel of EU “transport experts” assesses applications from local authorities and shortlists 10 European cities every year which they think have done well on mobility issues.  The other 9 candidates this year were: Bologna (Italy), Budapest (Hungary), Gdynia (Poland), Hudiksvall (Sweden), Labin (Croatia), Ljubljana (Slovenia), Östersund (Sweden), Sofia (Bulgaria) and Turku (Finland).

Hats off to whoever submitted the application from the Larnaca municipality - he/she must have outstanding BS skills.  Or the Bruxellois bureaucrats will believe any old rubbish as long as they are seen to be doing their politically correct, EU-sensitive job. 

What the CM didn't mention is that Larnaca is not among the 3 finalists.  The award will go to Hungary, Slovenia or Sweden instead.  

It's a bit like the Eurovision Song Contest, but this is for public mobility.  Larnaca:  nul points. 

Any other bright ideas for fund raising, Mr. Mayor Andreas Louroujatis?

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but they that deal faithfully please him.

- Book of Proverbs 12:22 (DR) 

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence

An EU citizen has been denied unemployment benefit in Cyprus because he didn’t do his National Service, Footsteps has been told. 

Let’s call him A.  He’s in his early-mid 30s, we estimate.  Anglo-Cypriot: a male British citizen born and raised in the UK of emigre Greek-Cypriot parents.  Because of his parents' ethnicity and because he happens to be born a man and is now resident in Cyprus (it does not apply to women), A. is still eligible for compulsory military service in Cyprus according to the law, but he has not done this for his own reasons.   

The Cypriot authorities have never chased him up on it.  A. says he has travelled freely to and from Cyprus on numerous occasions despite the rule that all Cypriot boys or those of Cypriot descent between the ages of 15 and 26 are supposed to have an MoD exit permit before travelling (just in case they go AWOL).  

Perhaps A. slipped through the net because of his British passport, although he still has a Greek-Cypriot surname.  Or maybe the passport control guys at Larnaca airport just didn’t bother. 

After completing a university degree, A. says he worked for several employers in Cyprus, legally, and paid national insurance contributions for a number of years.  Unfortunately, he was made redundant and has been unsuccessful at finding another job in Cyprus for the last 3 years or so.  

His live-in girlfriend, also Anglo-Cypriot in her mid-30s, was also made redundant and has been unable to find other work here.  

They are financially dependent on their parents, but at 30-something, that's not great for the morale.  Nor is it a life.  Nor can their biological parents support them forever.  

When A. went to Social Insurance Services in Cyprus to see if he could claim unemployment benefit, he was asked for his National Guard release papers.  

He was told: no army service – no benefits. 

Is that legal under EU law?  

Is it fair?  

We know unemployment benefit rules in Cyprus are quite stringent – it is nowhere near as easy to claim benefits here as in Britain, say – but it seems slightly skewy that hundreds of other EU nationals in Cyprus are able to get state help while someone who has worked lawfully, paid taxes and is of Cypriot descent cannot.  

All because he hasn’t done his bit playing toy soldiers? 

You could argue that the simple solution for A. would be to enlist voluntarily at his district military office and get it over with, just like every other Cypriot male.  Why should A. get special treatment?  Because of his age, he would probably get away with 3 months’ service in a boring desk job.  Duty done and dusted.  

But he doesn’t want to do that.  His priority at his age, he says, is to have an income, a decent job according to his well earned qualifications and experience, and some quality of life.  He wants to start a family with his girlfriend - surely that is their right under EU human rights laws?  As an Anglo-Cypriot, he says he has experienced discrimination and prejudicial xenophobic attitudes from Greek-Cypriots, who treat him like an outsider.  

A. and his girlfriend have found it impossible to get further jobs here without “mesa” (insider contacts), which they don't have, or choose not to get into.  So another solution for them – they have now decided – is to return to the UK and try for a better life there. 

Good luck to them. 

Probability odds say they can’t be the only ones.  The unfortunate result for Cyprus is a brain drain.  Less younger, educated, skilled, bilingual/multilingual workers = less of a future.  

Cronyism and nepotism have a lot to answer for. 

Novena prayers to St. Cajetan – patron of the unemployed.

Job vacancy - no skills, training or experience required

The prison governor of Cyprus has been sacked for incompetence, the CM reports.

"Can I have my old job back?"

The ex-cop, George Tryfonides, Mr. Three Voices, said his “conscience is clear” despite the fact that appalling conditions at the prisons have driven five inmates to suicide in the last seven months.

He still thinks he did a good job.  “I’ve executed my duties to the fullest,” he said on state radio yesterday.

He’s certainly done a lot of execution.

In the interim, while there’s no one running the shop, scary-looking balaclava-clad, truncheon-carrying MMAD cops (riot squad hard cases) have been sent in "to restore calm and confidence."

Because the sight of those guys is really going to cheer up depressed inmates and stop them from topping themselves.

Do they have to wear balaclavas in summer?  Sweaty.  Must play havoc with their skin too.  

Justice minister Jonas Nicolaou says the government is “on top of the situation”. 

So the 22-year-old Romanian who was reportedly gang-raped by other inmates last week and the 28-year-old Bulgarian found hanged in his cell this week were just being churlish.  The other 4 who committed suicide were happy bunnies, really. 

And who is rushing to fill Tryfonides’ shoes?  Applications so far: 0

The previous prisons chief, Michalis Hadjidemetriou, was sentenced to 2 months in prison himself for professional negligence.  It seems to be one of the job requirements.  He appealed, of course, and the final outcome of his case is still pending, surprise, surprise. 

Head of the prison wardens association, Charalambos Frangoulides, rejected allegations of corruption among Cypriot prison staff (he would, wouldn’t he?).  Bribery, allowing and/or aiding and abetting the use of drugs or mobile phones by prisoners, and turning a blind eye to rape or violence - no, none of that happens.  They all just like a good game of Scrabble. 

Why do we have a riot squad babysitting the prison if there are no riots?

As for the ones with serious mental health issues - that's the prisoners, not the screws - “If an inmate is determined to take their own life, one way or another they will succeed,” Frangoulides said with a proverbial shrug. 

They’re even giving out free razors. 

Lord, You offer freedom to all people.  We pray for those in prison.  Break the bonds of fear and isolation that exist.  Support with Your love prisoners and their families and friends, prison staff and all who care.  Heal those who have been wounded by the actions of others, especially the victims of crime.  Help us to forgive one another, to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with Christ in His strength and in His Spirit, now and every day.  Amen. 

A virile crackdown

Four people in the republic were caught smuggling illegal goods from the Turkish north, the CM reports. 

Acting on a tip-off, police found that the two women from Larnaca, a man from Larnaca and a man from Nicosia had large quantities of TRNC contraband in their homes.  Namely, cigarettes, rolling tobacco, cigars, err, snails (?) and erectile dysfunction pills.

There is obviously a huge (ahem) demand for these products in the south.

 

Limply, the 43-year-old woman from Larnaca was simply fined €900 and released without charge, while the other three had to appear in court on Monday this week.  One of the men was jailed ... for 2 days.  The other two got away with a fine. 

So it looks like the police and ministry of justice are not that bothered about illegal imports from the north then, as long as they get their money’s worth.

The confiscated goods are reportedly worth €15,000 while €47,810 in cash was found at the house of one of the offenders. 

What we want to know is:  what did the police do with all the Viagra and the snails?   

At least they’re addressing the flaccidity of border controls.  

Father, You have given all peoples one common origin.  It is Your will that we be gathered together as one family in Yourself.  Fill the hearts of mankind with the fire of Your love and with the desire to ensure justice for all.  By sharing the good things You give us, may we secure an equality for all our brothers and sisters throughout the world.  May there be an end to division, strife and war.  May there be a dawning of a truly human society built on love and peace.  We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen. 

Caritas 2014

http://caritascyprus.com/

ALL WELCOME

map - click to enlarge

Brand-y sour

It’s a cynical move when private companies in Cyprus play the charity card to increase sales.

One particular market “leader” in baby food products has a long-standing tradition, now in its 7th year, of donating 1,000 euro to the parents of the first New Year baby born in Cyprus.  With the obligatory photo shoot of a grinning suit handing over a cheque to a grateful post-natal mum in front of a big company sign, just in case we forget who the daddy is. 

Guess which brand of baby food that mum is buying for the next year.  The company will recover their 1,000 euro toot sweet.  One of their products is on one popular shopping website at US$292.94 for 3 tins (about 215 euro).  Ouch, get me an epidural. 

Footsteps chooses not to name this company as we think it’s already had enough publicity as it is, but it’s easily searchable if anyone can be bothered.  One Cyprus newspaper today devoted a lengthy three-quarter page article to the company’s illustrious achievements, awards, educational projects, scientific studies, blah blah .... Not even the front page splash got that much word space.  And the paper did it all for free too?  How generous of them in these cash-strapped times.  Or did the company's media manager pay a substantial "donation" for a flattering feature article – otherwise known as an advertorial – in which case the ed. should have made that clear.  We wouldn’t want to think our press shows market bias, would we? 

sick as a parrot I didn't get free advertising

Why is the first baby of January so special?  It's not, it's just a pawn to embed in the public consciousness the company’s nice guy image for the year ahead.  What about the poor tot who straggles in at 00:00 on the 31st, the unlucky slow coach.  Do you still “win” if the birth is induced after midnight or is that cheating?  What about C-sections?  Their timing can be pre-arranged. What happens if there are two or more “firsts” – babies born in different hospitals at exactly the same time – do the nice company men toss a coin, or shell out two grand or more, one to each family?  Are maternity wards on New Year’s Eve, err, heaving with competitive parents, urging their unborn babies to get on with it and pop?  Must be a scream.

We are not casting aspersions on the qualitative standards or success claims of this company.  After all, any brand needs some kind of winning formula (ahem) in order to get the edge over their competitors.  But trying to buy off consumers (and the press) with a thinly veiled kindness stunt, pur-leeze.  Almost as bad as politicians kissing babies.   

the health minister said:  "it hurts"

The retail prices of pharmaceutical products in Cyprus are the 6th most expensive in Europe, Peter Stevenson tells us.  Despite this, Cypriot pharmacies’ profits remain low.  There are too many of them.  In the south, there are 486 pharmacies for a tiny population of about 839,000 (2011 census), i.e. every pharmacy has an average customer pool of about 1,700 people.  Microscopic compared to other European countries, e.g. Denmark, where there are 17,000 customers per pharmacy.  No wonder this country’s broke. 

When is health minister Dr. Petros Petrides going to pull his finger out and start regulating the pharma industry in Cyprus?  He’s been in office since March last year - plenty of time to go into labour. 

Jelly babies. 

And all their works they do for to be seen of men.  For they make their phylacteries broad and enlarge their fringes.  

– Gospel of St. Matthew 23:5 (DR)

A storm in a teacup

Students and parents’ associations are up in arms about having to pay bus fares in Cyprus, the CM reports.

Poor diddums. 

Up until yesterday, local buses, for which the standard full fare is a whopping 1 euro per journey, were totally free for all kids with student ID cards.  The changes were introduced by the previous government (Comrade Dmitry Cristovitch) but not brought into effect until now. 

The new student bus pass costing – shock! – a whole 15 euro per month is valid on designated school routes, while families on state benefits and primary school pupils are exempt.  Students on non-designated routes can get an unlimited monthly pass for 20 euro. 

In protest against this exorbitant “Troika-inspired levy”, secondary school students nationwide are being encouraged to bunk off one classroom period this Thursday, according to the Pupils’ Coordinating Committee (PSEM). 

So that they can spend their bus money in McDonald's and TGI Friday’s instead.  Teachers willl get a nice break too (paid).  The kids still have to get school (by bus) in order to protest...

The Green Vegetable Party argues that the new legislation discourages the use of public buses - wrong, they say, because “many long-term studies” have proven that the systematic use of public transport by students “enhances their social skills and collective outlook”. 

As exemplified by adult Cypriots with 4 cars per household.  Also known for their multi-cultural social awareness, non-xenophobic world views, and strong altruistic concern for the collective.  Especially for bus drivers in Cyprus who work long hours for chickenfeed in a mindless job in horrendous traffic conditions, but still have their wages withheld, as in recent strike actions. 

These narrow-minded, freeloading parents and meddling student bodies have yet to wake up and smell the coffee:  that the good ole days of Cyprus are over with Rover.  This government needs revenue.  No pay?  No public transport.  Take your pick. 

School kids in Cyprus are in term 8 months per year.  120-160 euro annually per kid is hardly an onerous expense.  Would they rather shell out for petrol?  Excuse the pun. 

While these navel-gazing parents are stamping their feet and boohooing in La La Land, there will be a lot more to cry about when the telecom authority CYTA, the electricity board AIK and the Ports Authorities are privatised, as Mr. Resurrection and his cronies plan.  Let’s see how it goes down when utility bills and airline tickets shoot through the roof, and private company vultures swoop in for the spoils.  

Lord God, giver of bread, we bless You for Your heavenly kindness.  There can be no famine while the bread of Heaven endures, and help us to remember that when we are forgetful of Your infinite kindness.  How blessed it is to know that we shall not want forever, as You will not allow Your children to go without bread.  However long the day and hard the work, we have the rest and bounty and the bread.  Happy and grateful are we!  We have You who plans our daily feast for us.  As we eat of the bread of Heaven we shall continue to prosper on earth.  Kind Lord, feed me until I shall want no more.  Through Christ Our Lord.  Amen.