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The prison governor of Cyprus has been sacked for incompetence, the CM reports.

"Can I have my old job back?"

The ex-cop, George Tryfonides, Mr. Three Voices, said his “conscience is clear” despite the fact that appalling conditions at the prisons have driven five inmates to suicide in the last seven months.

He still thinks he did a good job.  “I’ve executed my duties to the fullest,” he said on state radio yesterday.

He’s certainly done a lot of execution.

In the interim, while there’s no one running the shop, scary-looking balaclava-clad, truncheon-carrying MMAD cops (riot squad hard cases) have been sent in "to restore calm and confidence."

Because the sight of those guys is really going to cheer up depressed inmates and stop them from topping themselves.

Do they have to wear balaclavas in summer?  Sweaty.  Must play havoc with their skin too.  

Justice minister Jonas Nicolaou says the government is “on top of the situation”. 

So the 22-year-old Romanian who was reportedly gang-raped by other inmates last week and the 28-year-old Bulgarian found hanged in his cell this week were just being churlish.  The other 4 who committed suicide were happy bunnies, really. 

And who is rushing to fill Tryfonides’ shoes?  Applications so far: 0

The previous prisons chief, Michalis Hadjidemetriou, was sentenced to 2 months in prison himself for professional negligence.  It seems to be one of the job requirements.  He appealed, of course, and the final outcome of his case is still pending, surprise, surprise. 

Head of the prison wardens association, Charalambos Frangoulides, rejected allegations of corruption among Cypriot prison staff (he would, wouldn’t he?).  Bribery, allowing and/or aiding and abetting the use of drugs or mobile phones by prisoners, and turning a blind eye to rape or violence - no, none of that happens.  They all just like a good game of Scrabble. 

Why do we have a riot squad babysitting the prison if there are no riots?

As for the ones with serious mental health issues - that's the prisoners, not the screws - “If an inmate is determined to take their own life, one way or another they will succeed,” Frangoulides said with a proverbial shrug. 

They’re even giving out free razors. 

Lord, You offer freedom to all people.  We pray for those in prison.  Break the bonds of fear and isolation that exist.  Support with Your love prisoners and their families and friends, prison staff and all who care.  Heal those who have been wounded by the actions of others, especially the victims of crime.  Help us to forgive one another, to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with Christ in His strength and in His Spirit, now and every day.  Amen.