Should old acquaintance be forgot

Cyprus in a year ...

January 2013

world record for getting it wrong

The government had to withdraw and reprint more than half a million general election ballot sheets after Guinness World Records objected to the unauthorised use of its logo.  Presidential candidate Andreas Efstratiou, who owns a bridal wear shop, had previously won the world record for creating the longest wedding dress train.  The record has since been superseded, preventing Efstratiou's legal use of the logo.  He had to pay back the Cyprus government 15,000 euro for the ballot reprint.  He didn't win the election either ... 

February 

Mr. Resurrection and his top financial advisor

... but this man did.  The 67-year-old right-wing conservative leader, Nicos Anastasiades, got 57.5% of the vote in a final showdown against the communist party-backed Stavros Malas.  Boasting of his connections with European centre-right leaders, Anastasiades promised to resurrect the island's economy from its impending quicksand death.  A masterplan which has gone brilliantly so far.  Go, Nick, go.  Happy voters know they made the right choice.


March 

carrying an invisible knife 

And then it all kicks off.  The good news:  10 billion euro aid package to come from Brussels.  The catch:  it's not enough.  Private savings accounts to be raided to make up the shortfall.  Mass panic run on cashpoint machines while trembling bank employees hold their teddy bears behind closed doors for 10 days.  Furious protesters rally outside the presidential palace, chanting: "Troika out of Cyprus".  Putin not amused, threatens to withdraw aid if Russian off-shore accounts on the island are hit.  Cameron objects to the suggested levies on British troops' accounts.  Meltdown.  

April

Michael Sarris:  last seen on a yacht in the Cayman Islands

Even the Archbishop of Cyprus gets involved in the melee.  Chrysostom II - a well known economic expert - publicly advises the finance minister, Michael Sarris, to resign.  So he does.  Coincidentally, Sarris is the former chairman of the Laiki Bank - the same bank that is to be dissolved.  And, he disappears just as a formal investigation is launched into the events leading to the financial crisis.  Handy.  Meanwhile, Anastasiades does an Oliver Twist and asks the EU:  please, sir, can I have some more?  

May

Ayia Napa:  a peaceful and civilised haven

A Cyprus court finds a British-Somalian man guilty of manslaughter in the fatal stabbing of a British soldier in Ayia Napa, and jails him for 8 years.  Although the resort, known for its lively night life, is officially off bounds to British soldiers stationed on the island, Fusilier David Lee Collins, 19, was involved in a night club brawl there the night before he was to begin a tour in Afghanistan.  A surprisingly quick legal process and result for the Cyprus courts.  Ex-president Christofias is still safe somewhere in Russia.  


June

one way to drown sorrows

Non-euro holding tourists take advantage of favourable exchange rates, and revenue from tourism in Cyprus goes up in June, compared to the same time last year.  The Swiss were the biggest spenders in Cyprus this summer, followed by Russians and Austrians.  The average stay increased to 10.1 days, compared to 9.5 days in June 2012, while the average daily expenditure by tourists went up from 81.5 to 83.3 euro per day.  Hey, those 2 euros a day make all the difference!  [data source:  Famagusta Gazette]


July

resurrecting unemployment

Just when we thought it was safe selling ice creams and beach bats, Eurostat releases gloomy figures of rising Cypriot unemployment.  For the under-25s, unemployment hits 30%.  The IMF forecasts that instead of fixing problems, the austere bailout terms may have plunged the island into an even deeper long-term economic decline.  President Anastasiades said:  "I am not a magician." [The New York Times, 13/7/13] 

August

at least someone's protecting us

Syria Crisis.  Like we didn't have enough to worry about.  Britain deploys 6 Typhoon fighter jets to RAF Akrotiri.  Within days, Assad responds with his own fighter jets in a 'goad-and-probe' sortie near Famagusta.  Two of the British Typhoons were scrambled to see them off, and Turkey got jittery too, sending out two F16s.  The Syrians retreated, but not without blowing a couple of raspberries first.  In Larnaca Bay, a French warship is anchored for several days, then glides quietly away.

September

is it a film, a book or a song?

The new whizzkid, finance minister Haris Georgiades, announces that all restrictions imposed in March on the flow of capital will be lifted by early 2014 ... except in the case of transfers abroad.  [Umm, so that's not all then.]  Up to now account holders at the now defunct Laiki Bank have been shunted along to the Bank of Cyprus, but are not allowed to move their money to any other bank on the island or abroad.  The EU and the IMF release the second installment of the 10 billion euro bailout package.  Meanwhile, municipal, church-run and private food banks feed the starving - reportedly now a sixth of the population.  Unemployment spikes.  Local businesses close their doors, leaving bills and rents unpaid.  Town centres turn into ghost towns of empty shops.  


October

get your bargains here... so cheap they're invisible!

Anastasiades shelves plans to pass a new law slashing all commercial and residential rents, citing legal red tape.  Syria meets its deadline to destroy or render inoperable its chemical weapons facilities.  One welfare services department in Nicosia is threatened with a bomb (a hoax).  Cyprus Airways shells out more than 420K euro to Hermes Airports, after a row between the airport authority and the airline over unpaid debts.  And another row erupts between the Cyprus government and the UN over  'Downergate'.    


November

the nation weeps

The 94-year-old former president Glafkos Clerides dies and the government announces three days of public mourning.  Anastasiades breathes a sigh of relief as he can now take a break from all the awkward questions pesky journalists keep asking him.  Much was made of Clerides's great statesmanship, his wartime heroism, and his valiant but ultimately unsuccessful efforts over decades to unify a divided island.  After 3 days everybody forgot about him.  Bram, the Great Dane dog who was going to be euthanised, was saved following a social media appeal.  


December 2013

And here we are!  What a year of achievements for Cyprus!  The icing on the cake is that Cyprus officially has the lowest educational standards in Europe, according to the OECD/PISA report in which even Romanian kids do better.  The other good news is that there's been a significant drop in the number of fatal road accidents this year, probably because nobody can afford the petrol.  But we can look forward to a new year of growth, prosperity, stability, legality and state efficiency because after all, the only way forward from here is up.  

Happy New Year, folks!  


O sacred and adorable Trinity, hear our prayers on behalf of our Holy Father, Pope Francis, our bishops, our clergy, and for all that are in authority over us.  Bless, we beseech Thee, during the coming year, the whole Catholic Church, convert heretics and unbelievers, soften the hearts of sinners so that they may return to Thy friendship.  Give prosperity to our country and peace among nations of the world.  Pour down Thy blessings upon our friends, relatives, and acquaintances, and upon our enemies, if we have any.  Assist the poor and the sick.  Have pity on the souls of those whom this year has taken from us, and do Thou be merciful to those who during the coming year will be summoned before Thy judgement seat.  May all our actions be preceded by Thy inspirations, and carried on by Thy assistance, so that all our prayers and works, having begun in Thee, may likewise be ended through Thee.  Amen.